Apologies are some of the most difficult things to say. We are socially conditioned to immediately deny our mistakes.
Instead, we assume the person we are apologizing to is enjoying a laugh at our expense. But the truth is, we all make mistakes.
So let’s take a look at how to apologize properly if you’ve made a faux pas that made a girl feel less than impressed by you.
Here are some examples of those types of apologies.
But the key difference here is that you should never use “I’m sorry” as your only apology.
You can say it once. You can say it twice.
But to keep repeating yourself? It’s the basic “I’m sorry” (so to speak) but instead of being a blanket statement, be more specific.
The reason the “I’m sorry” works are because it means that you actually believe that you’re at fault.
It’s basically saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, and it’s my fault.”
But we’re human, and humans do get hurt. Most people have been there.
So how do we fix this? How do we craft an apology that she’ll actually respond to?
Simple. Answer all three.
“I’m sorry” is not an apology. If you’re the type of person who tells a girl that she’s right but doesn’t apologize for saying it, then you’re missing the entire point.
If you can’t honestly say you’re sorry without “I’m sorry” is in there, you’re not sorry. You’re trying to excuse your own behavior, without accepting the wrongs you’ve done.
Instead, first, say “I’m sorry.” That’s the keyword. You’re saying “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
You’re not saying “I’m sorry for not listening to you.” It’s a simple change, but it makes a world of difference in the long run.
Then take it one step further.
Use “I’m sorry” as your foundation, then explain why. For example:
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I never meant to do that, I guess.”
“I’m sorry I yelled. I think you’re very smart and I like talking to you, but I just couldn’t stand it that you were interrupting me.”
“I’m sorry I interrupted your phone call.”
“I’m sorry I misjudged your drinking.”
Don’t tell the girl why you’re sorry; that’s her job to find that out.
She should never have to question whether you’re sorry or not because that says something different about her than it does about you.
I can’t be a genius, but I know when I’m being talked down to. I know when I’m being treated like a child.
And if a girl can sense that, then she’s going to dig further. That’s a conversation you don’t want to have with a girl.
Instead, save the apology for the things that actually count as actual apologies.
Now the apology starts to add substance to the original sin.
You apologize for your wrongdoing, you’re admitting you’re wrong. But it doesn’t stop there.
The right question to ask when you’re apologizing is: “What can I do to make this right?”
I had a client who came to me and told me that her sister was being a bitch to her.
Her sister had cheated on her boyfriend, and the sister was letting it get to her.
My client felt it was her duty to take care of her sister’s hurt feelings, and had become even more self-absorbed as a result.
I explained to her that she needed to step back and take a look at the situation, and understand what she could actually do to make it right.
Once she understood that, she took action. She apologized to her sister for getting involved.
She agreed to work with her sister on trying to patch things up. And she made a plan to have her sister stay at her house for a week so she could do so.
Now my client’s sister has the opportunity to make things right. If she accepts the invitation, then she can repair the relationship with her sister.
If she doesn’t accept, she’s not out of the woods yet. The next step is to figure out why she doesn’t want to give her a chance.
My client decided that her sister’s unwillingness to give her a chance made her feel like a rejected loser.
So to feel better about herself, she blew up at her sister. Not only did it not work, but it also hurt her sister’s feelings.
I’m sure my client is still kicking herself for that one.
It wasn’t enough for my client to simply apologize. She had to understand why she was apologizing and make sure that she didn’t keep making the same mistakes over and over.
Once she did that, she was able to show a real appreciation for her sister’s feelings, rather than feeling sorry for herself.
These types of apologies are different from apologies for deeds and mistakes, and more like apologies that someone owes to another.
There are times when it is appropriate to apologize for something that you’ve done that has hurt someone else.
For example, if you’re rude to your boss, or you flirt with another co-worker in front of a client, it’s appropriate to apologize.
However, I have heard clients apologize to me for things that they should have known better than to do, but the situation was simply out of their control.
For example, someone comes to me and apologizes for complaining about a co-worker, because he was worried that it would affect his relationship with the co-worker.
However, the real problem is that this person is incapable of working in a team environment, and is not willing to make any effort to get better.