I have been a wife for 35 years. When my husband and I married, he told me that he did not want to spend the rest of his life with me.
He wanted someone who would take care of him and have an easy life.
He told me that he would be able to relax and not have to worry about work. It is too late for him to want that now, though.
We have two sons, and he takes good care of them. Now that they are adults, he makes time for them and his family and friends.
He does not travel for pleasure anymore, but it was his hobby in the past.
He is a good man with a good heart and very generous, but he was never able to show this side of him to me.
He is shy and would not initiate anything.
I usually put pressure on him to do things, so he would see what I wanted.
I am sure he was not really happy all the time when he was younger and is happy now. I am the first woman he married and the first woman he has a child with.
I think he has settled down. I am not a gold digger or anything like that, but I am lonely and want to have sex with him.
I have told him this many times and he ignores my wishes. He has told me that he needs space.
He loves me very much, but it is too early for him.
I have been having an affair with another man for three years, and my husband knows about it, but he does not care.
I want to end the affair, but I am having a hard time.
Every wife and husband wants the same things: a life that is fulfilling and filled with contentment and satisfaction.
But you are the first woman your husband has married.
This means that, as the wife, you have to take the lead on creating this life you both seek because he has not taken that role in his marriage.
You must make a deliberate choice to make your husband happy and treat him as you would want to be treated.
"Making your husband happy is about the choices you make as the wife.
You need to start seeing yourself as a co-owner of the marriage and show him that he is your top priority," explains Dr. Carrie Ruiz, a psychologist and relationship expert.
That does not mean you always have to have the final say. You must find a balance.
You need to be firm and firm in your demands
"It's about negotiating a deal, where you make some compromises while holding on to your integrity," she says.
Here are tips for you to make your husband happy.
You are the only woman your husband has married and, unless he is married to another woman, you are his only one.
I'm not saying that you have to act like a clingy bridezilla and make demands, but, as the wife, you need to take up that role.
He is probably still seeing other women. He needs to be told that you are jealous.
Let him know that you do not want him to sleep with other women, so it would help if he took the time to reassure you that he would not do that.
"Getting him interested in the bedroom and romance can be as simple as wearing clothes that show you're taken," Ruiz says.
He may want to show off and have sex with other women because it is a right of passage for men to do so, but you are his wife and the sex you have with him is yours.
You can go to dinner and a movie without him and just have fun, but once you are alone in the car or alone in bed, only you will know what's on his mind.
"Women are inherently good listeners and spend more time than men listening to one another.
Show him you want to be supportive of him," Ruiz says.
Let him know you respect him and that you are not upset about his affairs.
Let him know you understand that this is part of growing up and having a family.
Be the supportive wife and let him know you love him and want him to be happy.
Talk to him about the new friendships you have formed and encourage him to stay in touch with his old ones, but encourage him to make new friends and to meet new women as well.
"Tell him he is allowed to meet other women to advance his career and to spend time with his friends, but this does not mean he has to sleep with them," Ruiz says.
Tell him that you want him to stay true to you while being true to himself.
When he sees that you support his decisions, he will know you have his best interests in mind and it will help him stay on track, so you can both be happy.
While it is admirable that you are trying to make your husband happy, don't forget to put yourself first.
"You are a single woman and you need to put your needs first. If he is not happy, you will not be either," Ruiz says.
Remember to prioritize and be honest with yourself about what's important to you.