Where Does Passion Come From In A Relationship
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When we were first together, I could tell you that my passion for you was palpable. It’s an ugly word, but it is very real – something that people can feel. You could always tell when I was really invested in something by how intensely I would be involved in it.
It’s not to say that before I met you I didn’t care about anything or anyone, because I did — deeply. But there was this empty space inside of me, this desire that I couldn’t seem to fully satisfy.
I’ve talked about this before – how after spending time with you, I’d have these little moments where I’d get this funny feeling, like I needed to do something, but I wasn’t sure what.
That internal struggle lasted around 10 minutes, and then I’d make a decision, and then I’d lose myself in it, completely. And every time, it left me feeling happier than before.
This isn’t a flashy love, nor one that most people will ever experience. But it is powerful, and it’s totally authentic.
You see, I’m more passionate about some things than others. My career as a writer is fueled mostly by my passion for telling stories.
And while I may not enjoy talking to everyone, I am quite passionate about some conversations.
They are attracted to you
In my experience, passion is not about having lots of things to do or doing activities with your partner. It is not about making eye contact and nodding along while you listen to the same songs for the hundredth time.
It is not about kissing each other with great vigor until you both feel exhausted and spent.
Passion is when your lover looks into your eyes and thinks that you are the most beautiful person in the world. It is knowing that they want only you in their life.
It is feeling strong emotions towards them and wanting to be close to them constantly.
This may sound very romantic but it takes years to find this kind of intimacy. Only after many mistakes and lessons will you realize what does and doesn’t work in a relationship.
If you don’t have passion right now, don’t worry! There are several places where it can come from.
They want to be with you
In a relationship, passion is what keeps you together. It’s what draws you towards each other every time you are alone. You feel it when you wake up next to each other, and you feel it when you walk away.
Passion comes from within, and is always present for you. If it was not, then you would not keep coming back to it.
But how do you get that fire inside of you? What makes it burn so brightly?
It takes work. It takes effort. It takes knowing how to touch your partner without them feeling uncomfortable or distracted. It takes being aware of their needs and wanting to address them.
And most importantly, it takes understanding where their passions lie and trying to bring those out.
If you don’t, they will find someone who does.
They enjoy you
In a relationship, passion comes from two things: them liking you and you feeling passionate about them. Obviously, having feelings for someone is a starting point, but it’s not what makes your bond strong.
The thing that makes the difference is whether or not they make you feel good about yourself. If they constantly put you down and never give you credit for your efforts, then you will lose faith in yourself and your potential. You will begin to believe that you are worthless and can’t succeed because of them.
This will only fuel more negative thoughts and emotions, which will be hard to control once you have invested so much energy in something.
If this description sounds like anything you have experienced, it may be time to look at your relationships with abject caution. Make sure that you don’t let things go too far before addressing the issue, otherwise you could end up hurting someone very seriously.
On the other hand, if you have ever felt happy and confident when around him/her, then you should probably consider developing these qualities within your inner self first!
Either way, ask yourself why you want this person in your life and if you are willing to work on being less important to you as a person. If you are able to come to terms with not needing anyone else but yourself, then great! But if you really care about this person, try to understand where their lack of passion originates from.
You inspire them
As much as they may want to, people do not typically find passion for things that are easy or pleasant. They can become passionate about something if there is an underlying reason for it. For example, someone might get passionate about reading books because of what they love learning more about. Or maybe they read these books because they like how it makes them feel.
If you enjoy watching sports, then your friends will keep asking you to watch games with them so that they can talk about the sport with you. Eventually, you’ll get tired of all the talking and ask “why don’t we just watch the game?” Then they’d realize they were too busy chatting to actually watch the game!
So, why don’t those people stay up late every night to watch their favorite movie or play a video game they love until very early in the morning? Because they didn’t feel inspired by it. It wasn’t due to lack of desire, but rather due to the difficulty of engaging in the activity without first being totally drained.
When you run out of inspiration, you stop wanting to engage in the thing you loved before. This creates a vicious cycle where you need to be motivated more than ever to really want to spend time doing something.
You feed their ego
In a relationship, passion is fueled by two things: your perception of your significant other and how you perceive yourself. If either one of these ingredients is not present, then there will be no fire!
If your partner does something that makes you feel good about them, this creates an inner feeling or emotion of happiness for you. This happens when they greet you with a warm smile, ask how your day was, or tell you what made you happy today.
They can make you feel loved by doing such activities, but if it’s done without much enthusiasm or engagement, it won’t help your passion grow.
When they no longer seem interested in having sex, spending time together, or talking to you, your passion can start to dwindle.
This could be due to them losing interest in those areas, or being too busy to do them. It could also be because they have settled into a routine of keeping the house clean, taking care of the kids, and going to bed early every night, which leaves little time for intimacy.
Whatever the cause may be, unless you work on improving your own self-confidence and love for yourself, your passion will fade. You need to give yourself more credit for all of the things you already do, not just for what you are able to do for your partner.
They see you as the best version of yourself
In my experience, passion is always about someone else. It’s not just about what you give them, but how they respond to it.
They admire you and think you are wonderful, so that fires your inner passion.
Or maybe they feel inspired by you, like when I met my husband. We were both involved with other people at the time, and I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t made an effort to get to know me.
He pushed himself to connect with me, and now we live together and have a family. He inspires me every day, and I hope I do the same for him.
Whatever you want from life — love, friendship, success – be willing to put in the work and invest in relationships.
You push them to be their best self
In a relationship, passion comes from being there for each other at all times. If you are constantly busy or distracted, it can disappear quickly.
If your partner is not aware of this part of you, they will probably feel discouraged when you show no interest in what they are doing. They will also likely start to feel less passionate about you as time goes on.
By making an effort to focus on what makes your mate happy, you increase their level of happiness which increases their level of passion for you.
You compliment each other
A passion for something comes from thinking about it and wanting to do it, but not being able to. When you’re a part of the thing that makes others feel passionate, this need is met when they see your enthusiasm for it.
This feeling is even more powerful if the thing you enjoy is outside your normal experience. If you’ve never done something like this before, then the need for this feeling is stronger because you don’t have any references.
When you’re with someone who feels this way about the same thing, it can be very comforting. It gives you both some common ground and a reason to connect.
On the other hand, this could easily turn into “We should do this every day!” or “I love you, I really do, but let’s just stay here until we find something different to do.”
So what happens when you meet that person? Will you keep looking beyond the familiar? Or will you give up and settle for less than you know you deserve?
It’s an impossible question to answer unless you’re prepared to risk things – which maybe you are already. But still, you must ask yourself if you want to continue to search or whether you’d rather quit.
If you would rather quit, go ahead. Just remember there's no one stopping you except yourself.