Why Does A Narcissist Apologize
There are several things that narcissists are likely to apologize for. Most likely, they have:
- Admitted some kind of wrongdoing
- Threatened you in some way
- Was rude to you
- Said something that hurt your feelings
- Made some offhand comment to make you upset
- Accidentally said something inappropriate
- Accidentally said something hurtful and cruel
- Did something to upset you that you did not notice
- Did something to your friends or family
- Said something you believed to be hurtful or cruel
- Did something to your kids
- Said something that you know was cruel, and just to make you upset
- Didn’t follow through with what you asked them to do
- Assumed you would be upset and angry if they said or did something that you felt was wrong
- Was insensitive to you in some way
- Said something insensitive, thoughtlessly, that you believed was harmful to you
- Said something you were not expecting to hear
- Tried to convince you to do something that you did not want to do
If you have been with one, you may have heard them utter those three little words. I'll admit, it's rare.
I have watched a lot of my ex-Narcissist talk and apologize. I admit it's a confusing one.
They get caught up in the words they're saying and miss a lot of things.
But in actuality, they're not sorry for anything. It's just a way of appeasing you.
After all, you could have just called them out on being self-absorbed, right?
My ex-Narcissist was the king of excuses.
If he got caught in a lie, he would come out with some flimsy statement like, "Oh, but there were circumstances." Or, "I was just kidding around." Or, "I never meant to hurt you."
The bottom line is that there was never any regret or apology for the things he did.
Not even sorry. He didn't believe he had done anything wrong, which to me, is almost worse.
When he apologizes
I've seen my ex make several of those, "What are we going to do without each other?" apologies.
Like how they use those three little words, you know what they're thinking? "You can just pack your bags and leave."
No one really likes to be treated poorly, let alone repeatedly, but if he sees it coming, he will say something that's seemingly heartfelt.
You may even believe he is sincere, but in the end, it will never happen. He'll just blow it off and get on to the next thing that annoys him.
What does it really mean?
This type of apology is what you can expect to hear from him.
It's no coincidence that narcissists apologize to the people that they are most used to having in their life.
They will apologize to the person that pushes them around the most.
This usually includes those closest to them, like parents, siblings, spouses, children, coworkers, and friends.
And this is not a reflection of remorse. If a narcissist was truly sorry, he wouldn't hurt people in that way.
They usually apologize because they don't want you to leave them and they know it's a sign of weakness for you to do so.
If it's not a secret, you can almost bet that it's been told to others or at least mentioned in front of them.
You won't hear about this type of "apology" and you probably won't see it. I know I haven't.
When the narcissist doesn't apologize
One thing about the ex-Narcissist is that he doesn't accept responsibility.
He believes that everyone is at fault. If he did something wrong, he will blame the other person, even if they were completely innocent.
He will blame the person that got away or the other person's ex-partner. You get the drift.
If a Narcissist has never apologized, I'll bet it's because he never feels guilty about anything.
So what would he apologize for? He may or may not know, but that's not the point. He believes that he is just as good as anyone else and that you can just pack your bags and leave.
I'm telling you, if you're a woman and you ever see your ex's hand dangle towards you, don't touch it.
He's just trying to fish for a compliment. He's fishing for you to say, "Wow, your skin is so smooth!"
I get it, guys. We can't help or protect you from the Narcissist. All we can do is warn you of what you're dealing with, and try to save you from this emotional and mental torture.
Every once in a while, you'll get an apology from your Narcissist. But the moment that you do, they are done, and you'll be back to watching their games.
The problem is that once you've been gaslighted, you can never un-gaslight yourself. You will always be on edge when they are around.
It's in their nature to drive you insane, just as a lion will hunt a gazelle. The longer they get away with it, the more their confidence increases, so keep them on your toes.
Women have their own word for it: gaslighting. If you don't know what it is, then you know how your boyfriend/wife/etc. are treating you, and you should be worried.
They have turned you against yourself and are sucking the life out of you. A man who plays games like this knows how to break you down.
And women who have been put in this position know what I'm talking about.